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hasufelmere
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Name: Katie
Birthday: 2/18/1988
Gender: Female
Interests: horseback riding, reading fantasy books and other random things, storytime, music, movies, cross-stitching
Expertise: horseback riding, teaching, training, barn managing
Occupation: barn manager/riding instructor
Industry: horse industry
Message: message me
AIM:  hasufelmere
Member Since:
2/9/2004
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| 2008 is nearly over. It's time for a review of the past year, which is always easier to type than write. So here goes.
For someone who detests change...this has certainly been an unusual year.
If someone had told me last year that this is the point that I'd be at right now, I would have told them they were crazy. So many changes, some of them almost inconceivable.
--Let's start at the beginning. New Year's, 2008. I had recently been diagnosed with Mono and was trying to work 60 hours a week. (60 hours....I miss those days!!! I've been doing 70 at least for the past three weeks. But I digress.)
--I decided in early January, and was able to discuss it with people like Nora and the Bosners while on retreat, that I didn't want to keep going with the horses full time, and I would really like to investigate a career in pastoral ministry.
--Mid-January I still wasn't feeling settled, and was bumming on the Diocesan website. Hung out on the Vocations page a while. Clicked a few links, one of them happened to be ssjrochester.org. (funnily enough, every time I tried to click the Mercys' link, it froze up my computer. It's a bit of a running joke with some of my SSJ friends.) I emailed Donna Del Santo (dear Lord, I haven't even known Donna a year?!).
--End of January 2008 I met Donna. Got a tour of the Motherhouse. Talked about religious life.
--February. Started coming to things like Prayer for Our Times. Met Anita. Bengie and JR both died at the barn. Ron FINALLY came back, and all was right with the world!
--March. Told Cathie I wanted to be done teaching at the end of the month. Sang for St. Joseph's Day, and then went to the party at Holy Family. It was at that party that I first got the sense of feeling at home with the SSJs.
--April. Went on the discernment retreat at Holy Family with Joan Wagner. It was then that I dropped the bomb on Donna: "You know, I think I want to be a Sister..." Moe died at the barn.
--May. Dropped down to part time at the barn. Did a two-week live-in at St. Ambrose and loved every minute of it. Moved out of the apartment and back in with Mom and Dad.
--June. Got a new job, part time: working with the developmentally disabled at Westerloe IRA (a group home). Actually met some people my age at work--Cassandra and Emily. My name got picked for Parish Council.
--July. Frankie died at the barn. Liz came to visit!!!
--August. Went to Pittsburgh on a road trip with Donna and Anita and had a blast. The one year anniversary of leaving the Manor came, and I was glad I had learned to "draw the curtain" to clear my mind of interfering emotion. Because if I let those feelings back in, I still miss the Manor every bit as much as I did the day I left.
--September. Met a new friend at the barn, Donna--again, another co-worker my age!
--October. Things go downhill very rapidly with Grandma. She died at the end of the month.
--November. Visited Liz and had a blast. Did another two-week live-in, this time at East Rochester. Loved it. Did something very dangerous: started talking to Monica Weis about how I really would love to go back to school. Said I missed learning and would love a degree, but it probably wasn't practical at this point. Her response was that I could make it work.
--Apparently this was all I needed to hear, because by this time, mid-December, I'm registered for classes and financial aid for MCC next month.
--January 5th I'm moving again. I'm going to be living at East Rochester while I'm in school. Not entering yet or anything, just living with the community.
So that's been my life for the past year. It's crazy, I know, and yet it all makes so much sense. It's as though everything has fallen into place exactly at the right time, exactly when I needed it.
And yet, that lingering homesickness for the Manor seems to be something I just can't shake. I have a feeling it's something I'll have to live with for the rest of my life. Not so much the place, but the era. That 18-month chunk I was there. I want it back. I want it back so much I could cry, or scream. But I can never have it back. And I still can't seem to move on. I could go back to the Manor and teach, and probably end up very lonely and very miserable. I could stay here and go through with my current plan, go to school and join the Sisters, and probably lead a very happy, joy-filled, fulfilling life.
But that hole left by the Manor era is something that cannot be filled.
Someday, though, I hope to reach "True Narnia", and then it will all be there. Everything, all the people, all the old friends, all the different worlds. They'll be there. I just have to keep reminding myself of that.
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| Kinda missing the Manor. Kinda missing my pony.
Pissed as hell that in a couple years the Gloria and the Holy Holy are going to be entirely different. MARTY HAUGEN HAD BETTER REWRITE MASS OF CREATION, BECAUSE I CANNOT LIVE WITHOUT IT!
And to change the Gloria? What about Gather 153? What about singing the Easter one with the brass at Vigil?
FUCKING CATHOLIC CHURCH! WHY, WHY, WHY MUST YOU CHANGE SOME OF THE MUSIC THAT IS MOST NEAR AND DEAR TO MY HEART??!!
gah.
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| LIZ IS COMING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
She's actually coming!!!!!!!! A week from tonight/tomorrow morning, and she's staying through Monday or Tuesday. I'm so psyched...I haven't seen her since DECEMBER.
Too bad I've got to cantor at 9 that weekend, otherwise I'd suggest going down to WVa and visiting Sam, and Frodo and Amanda on the way. Ah well, cantoring is more imminently important. I can't say no to Ron, after all...plus it's a really good psalm, first one I ever cantored...Brenna, Megan Carmody and I all sang it together many many years ago.
I've come to the conclusion that I really need to go back down to WVa, and at least try and get some closure...come the end of August, it will have been more than a year since I left the Manor. I miss it so much...it's like a constant heartache that just refuses to go away. But I can't go back. Not only would I then feel the same heartache in regards to Rochester, but there's too much tying me to Rochester now. My new job...my friendship with the SSJs...all the emotional attachments, particularly to St. Paul's...Parish Council...no, it's clear that I belong here. The most I can do is search for some peace, because wholeness will never be an option.
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| My name got pulled from the hat, ergo I am on parish council!!!
I almost cried when they brought the hat out and Fr. Stan told us it was Nancy Piccareto's.
But verily, I am on parish council, and that made me excited.
Maura's reaction: "You're doomed."
Bob's reaction: "Well, there's nothing like having the Holy Spirit as your superdelegate!"
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| THEY'RE TAKING THE HOBBITS TO ISENGARD! THEY'RE TAKING THE HOBBITS TO ISENGARD! THEY'RE TAKING THE HOBBITS TO ISENGARD-GARD-GARD-G-GARD-GARD
THE HOBBITS THE HOBBITS THE HOBBITS THE HOBBITS TO ISENGARD TO ISENGARD
THEY'RE TAKING THE HOBBITS TO ISENGARD-GARD-GARD-G-G-GARD!
That music video...is the best EVER. always guaranteed to make me laugh.
I had such an awesome evening...I went to St. Ambrose to have dinner with the Sisters there, because I'm doing a temporary live-in thing for the next two weeks with them. Marilyn went with me, since Donna's out of town, which was awesome! I mean, I love Donna and she's great and everything, but Marilyn is just amazing. I think in many respects she reminds me a little of myself...plus she's just awesome. I had met some of the St. Ambrose Sisters before, but most of my time has been spent so far with the Holy Family crew, so it was nice to meet them. They're all really cool, it should be tons of fun. Anita's there, too--so she's requested I bring my violin so we can play together. That should be awesome, providing I can get the poor thing in tune, I haven't played it in nearly three years. Glad I have extra strings. This looks like it will be an interesting two weeks...I'm really freaking excited!
Oh, and Anita has a dulcimer!!! Granted, it's a hand-held one, not a hammered dulcimer like the one Mom has, but still, it's a dulcimer! That made me excited. This whole thing makes me excited.
Being around the Sisters in general just makes me excited. After every thing/event/meeting/what have you I have with any of them, I always have this feeling of utter elation...like that feeling you get right after you've come home from a date that went really well, except this is even better. The deeper I delve, the more excited I get...
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